An Unhealthy Love Affair
by nimblnymph
Summary: This is told from Dougan's POV. Very angsty, a little creepy. Gave me a shiver just writing it!
1. Intimate Partner

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, a couple quick things before you read this piece. It's dark. It's from Dougan's point of view, so it's going to be a little angsty in this section. It'll be three chapters long to deal with the three different aspects of stalking someone. Yes, that's right, it takes a look at the Dougan/Sanzo relationship as a stalker and his victim. I actually did a little research for this one about stalking, which is how I found out there are three different types/stages. And Dougan goes through all three of them. This will end right before Requiem begins with the slaughter of the youkai. Umm...yeah. That's it.

The Three Different Types Of Stalking:

1) Intimate Partner Can be a sexually intimate partner or someone who feels they are very close to a person. Must have some kind of knowledge to their victims habits. May become delusional if replaced or made to feel insignificant.

2) Delusional Thinks that things are more than they seem with their victim. Has a tendency to make up fantasies/lie out right concerning their victim and how close they really are.

3) Vengeful Feels as though victim is purposely ignoring them. Most dangerous and unstable. Prone to violence toward their victim.

* * *

**INTIMATE PARTNER**

He couldn't believe it! It was him, it was really him. He...he...He was more beautiful up close than he had ever imagined. Genjyo Sanzo. He couldn't believe this was happening. Everything he had ever wanted, since the day he'd first seen the already famous monk. They weren't that far apart in age. Only five years, it wasn't that much really. He could tell they were going to be close, like good friends or brothers. Or closer...he shivered, his heart racing faster at that idea. This was his reward for all the studying and obeying of rules. For having to tolerate inferior monks touching him. He was here now, with Genjyo Sanzo. It was a joy so overwhelming he almost cried.

"So, what can you do?" The voice was cold, already rough from smoking all the time. But it was the most wonderful sound in the world as far as he was concerned.

Master Sanzo...was talking to him! "Whatever you need me to, Master Sanzo," he answered, voice catching a little.

Eyes an inhuman shade of amethyst glanced at him. His knees felt weak. He'd heard all the stories, every rumor or little bit of gossip to cross his ears. He knew more about this man than anyone alive, he was sure of it. "I wasn't asking what you can do for me. I was asking what you can do. What do you like to do in your free time?"

He blinked, fixing his round glasses. But...wasn't he supposed to do whatever Master Sanzo asked? "I...I can paint," he answered. Stupid! What did Master Sanzo care about painting?

Master Sanzo never answered to that. He kept walking at a brisk pace. He looked at the floor, ready to cry any minute. Why couldn't he have made up something cooler? Painting...it was such a waste of time!

"What was your name again?"

The question made him happy and sad at the same time. Happy Master Sanzo was curious about him. And sad that he'd forgotten his name already. "It's Dougan, Master Sanzo," he answered quietly. It was foolish of him to think that he was of any importance to such a great man!

"I suck with names, kid. No offence."

Dougan looked up then, smiling. He...he didn't MEAN to forget! And Dougan was determined to make sure he would remember it from now on. He ran ahead of Master Sanzo, rushing to open the door to his room. He would show him how useful he could be. He pulled on the door. Except it was locked. But...the doors at the temple were NEVER locked!

Master Sanzo pulled a small key from his robe. "There's a spare hidden in the plant over there," he said, nodding toward the plant in question. "The only time you enter here is to clean it. And don't touch a damn thing."

"I would never presume, Master!" Dougan was close to dancing in excitement. All the other apprentices were going to be so jealous! He, Dougan, the orphan dropped off outside the temple gates when he was only two, was going to see _the_ Master Genjyo Sanzo's room. He was betting it was crammed over with books of learning and knowledge. Holy artifacts, too. Genjyo Sanzo was the holiest of holy men, after all, and the teachers still talked of how smart a student he was. His room MUST reflect that.

Dougan peered around Master Sanzo, anxious to see...and felt the smile slip from his face. It was so...empty. Not at all what he was expecting. There was a neatly made bed with a trunk at the foot of it. A small writing desk by the window with a beat up old chair. A dresser with pull out drawers and a mirror on it. A nightstand by the bed. And a small bookcase. This was where the greatest monk ever to live...lived? He looked around curiously as Master Sanzo dropped the travel bag he was carrying on the floor by the bed and pulled out his cigarettes, lighting up one. He glanced back and stared at Dougan. He...he was staring at him! The thrill of being in his presence again overwhelmed him and he could do nothing but stare back.

"So, are you just going to stand there all night?"

"Huh?" Was he already asking him to...He blushed. Did Master Sanzo really want to...

"I'm tired. Shut the door behind you when you leave." Master Sanzo removed the sutra from his shoulders, rolling it up neatly and with the quickness of years of practice. Dougan remained rooted, shocked. Master Sanzo didn't want him? He was so confused right now. All his emotions were worked up. The excitement, the sorrow, the anger. Everything just colliding.

The robe was shrugged off and tucked around his waist. He was so much more beautiful, Dougan decided, with nothing but the black to draw attention to his golden hair, his pale skin. So much like a god. Or his idea of a god. He wanted to just touch him, just to say he did. Maybe if he asked... "Master Sanzo?"

Master Sanzo turned to look at him, one brow raised. "You're still here?"

"I was wondering, Master..." Looking at those violet eyes, he could tell now was not the time. Master Sanzo DID look very tired. Maybe that was why he didn't need Dougan in any way tonight. "Never mind, good night, Master." He turned to leave.

"Dougan."

He froze, anticipation and excitement riding him. Master Sanzo had called his name! Had he changed his mind?

"The next time you don't finish a sentence, I'm transfering your services to another monk. I hate it when people don't say what they're thinking. Gives me a damn headache."

He was disapointed now. It wasn't what he'd thought he was going to say. But still, Master Sanzo had spoken to him! He had made it clear that he cared what Dougan had to say! Smiling to himself, he said, "Yes, Master. I won't do it again."

The only answer was a grunt, but even that made Dougan's heart pound with glee.

* * *

"So, what's he like?"

"Does he even talk to you? He NEVER talks to anyone very long!"

Dougan smiled smugly. He, the one they used to beat up, was now the soul envy of every apprentice in the temple. "He's wonderful! He's exactly as the stories said!" Well, not EXACTLY...but they didn't need to know that. "And he talks to me a lot! We have a lot in common, Master Sanzo and I."

Ryokan, one of the biggest bullies, sneered and said, "I doubt that! What's a stupid orphan like you got in common with _the_ Genjyo Sanzo?"

Dougan glared at the big kid. The other trainees were beginning to look skeptical now. But...but THEY weren't Master Sanzo's servant! He may have been only serving him for three months, but he already knew Master Sanzo better than anyone! He knew exactly how he liked his coffee (black and as strong as possible). He knew what sections of the paper he read (the editorial, the crossword and sudoku puzzles, and politics). He knew he was allergic to cats, smoked half a pack a day and prefered red wines over white. He knew everything...almost. What he didn't know, he soon would! "It's too complicated for you to understand," he said at last, hoping to end the challenge right there.

"Yeah, right! I bet he hasn't even broken you in yet!"

He blushed angrily. He knew what they were refering to. And, true, Master Sanzo had not "broken" him in yet, but that didn't mean he wouldn't!

Ryokan started laughing. "See, you're not as special as you think! You're just a servant, you're not his apprentice!"

Dougan's fists tightened angrily. They didn't know...they didn't understand. He WAS special! Master Sanzo needed him. "Shut up," he said through gritted teeth.

Ryokan nudged the kid next to him and started snickering. "Look at him! Bet he starts crying!"

Dougan was saved from the humiliation of crying in front of his peers by a shout that came from the quickly opened gates. He knew that figure! He ran forward, beaming. Master Sanzo was back! Wait until he saw how clean his room was and how Dougan had organized his office (surprisingly disastrous for such a neatly kept man). "Master Sanzo you're...back." Dougan froze when he saw Master Sanzo was not alone.

A boy about his age cowered behind him, big golden eyes looking from side to side like the monks were going to attack him. He had long brown hair, a strange golden crown and worn out clothing. Rags, really. And he smelled like something awful had died in the garbage! Who was this boy and...wait, why was HE touching Master Sanzo's robes? Dougan stared in horror as those golden eyes turned on him. Who was he to presume to touch Genjyo Sanzo, the greatest monk ever! What...who...?

Ryokan snorted behind him. "So much for you being the special one! Looks like you were just replaced."

Dougan watched the two walk in, heard the whispers around him but didn't pay attention to the words. Master Sanzo? He...he hadn't even LOOKED his way! But...why? He followed the two inside, fighting back the tears. Maybe it wasn't what it seemed. Maybe the boy was just another orphan. That was perfectly possible. He shouldn't jump to conclusions. Not until he spoke with Master Sanzo.

The boy turned around and saw Dougan following. "Hey, Sanzo? Some kid's followin' us," he hissed in a loud whisper.

Some kid? Did that gutter rot even KNOW who he was? How dare he refer to Dougan as 'some kid', like he didn't matter to Master Sanzo! Dougan grit his teeth to keep from saying something mean. A Buddhist priest always practiced forgiveness. And tolerance for those less enlightened.

Master Sanzo glanced over his shoulder. "It's just Dougan. Stop being so damned paranoid."

"Oh. What's a Dougan?"

Dougan stopped dead in the hall way. Just...Dougan? He...he didn't mean that. He COULDN'T have meant that! Master Sanzo relied upon him. He was a loyal servant. Squaring his shoulders, Dougan ran to catch up. Master Sanzo would want a bath gotten around. He knew exactly how hot to make the water, where to place the towels. He would be sure to prove himself even more useful than that big-eyes freak! "Allow me to-,"

Master Sanzo opened the door to his room. "Goku, get a bath going."

The boy scowled at him. "I'm not gonna take a bath! It's bad!"

"You've never had a bath before, so you don't know if it's bad or not. And it's not for you anyway, idiot. It's for me. I've got your stink all over me and it's disgusting!" The door shut behind them and locked.

Dougan stared at the door. He...what had just happened? Did Master Sanzo...replace him? But, what about the other apprentices? They were going to make fun of him again! And Master Sanzo...he didn't understand how Dougan felt. They were CLOSE! They had so much in common. Anger filled him, an anger so deep it was almost consuming. That...boy! That stupid, disgusting vile BOY! He was trying to take Master Sanzo from him! He couldn't allow that. He wouldn't allow that! Master Sanzo was HIS! And no one, not even some brat boy, was going to take him away.


	2. Delusional

The Three Different Types Of Stalking:

1) Intimate Partner Can be a sexually intimate partner or someone who feels they are very close to a person. Must have some kind of knowledge to their victims habits. May become delusional if replaced or made to feel insignificant.

2) Delusional Thinks that things are more than they seem with their victim. Has a tendency to make up fantasies/lie out right concerning their victim and how close they really are.

3) Vengeful Feels as thought victim is purposely ignoring them. Most dangerous and unstable. Prone to violence toward their victim.

* * *

**DELUSIONAL**

Dougan smiled at his attentive listeners. All of them were wided eyed and hanging onto his every word as he spoke. "It's true, I swear it!"

"No way...you a sanzo priest? Wow..."

His smile widened. Why else would Master Sanzo keep him still? Especially with that pathetic Son Goku running around like his servant! No, Master Sanzo clearly had bigger and better things for him! "He even let me touch his sutra!"

The awed gasps went around like wild fire. Even Ryokan was starting to believe him. Okay, se he never actually touched the sutra. But he DID see it almost every day! It was the same thing...mostly. After that disastrous first bath, Goku was no longer allowed to to that. Which meant he was the only one allowed to besides Master Sanzo himself. And Dougan made certain that never happened! Just like he made sure he took Master Sanzo's food to him personally, did all his laundry himself. Everything! Master Sanzo would see how very loyal he was, how very obediant. And then...he would be rewarded further. He still held that image of Master Sanzo with his robes down, the black leather serving only the accentuate the flawless perfection that was him. So perfect...so beautiful. Even a year later, he still dreamt of it!

Snapping out of his daze, he laughed and said, "Yes, well, I always knew that Goku wasn't anything more than a slave to help free my time up for further study. I mean, I HAVE to know my stuff for when he takes me on his next trip."

"So tell us again...did he REALLY...you know..." Nushi's voice trailed off, his cheeks going scarlet.

Dougan smiled blissfully. Those dreams were so real! He'd told everyone about them, how he knew exactly what it would be like. And if they decided to take them as fact...well, who was he to say otherwise? "Oh, yes! Several times in fact!"

Another boy nudged his friend, eyes going dark and angry. "Look, it's that disgusting little creep!"

Dougan turned and saw it was indeed Son Goku, trudging in from the outside with mud caked all over him and grinning like it was the most wonderful thing in the world. How did Master Sanzo tolerate that _animal?_ He froze when Goku came right up to them. "Hey! You guys seen Sanzo?"

No one spoke to him. They just glared at him, hoping he would get the point and just go away.

He didn't. In fact, he had the nerve to hit Dougan's shoulder like they were friends. "I bet you have, huh? So, where is he? Somebody said he was lookin' for me."

Master Sanzo...was looking for HIM? But...Feeling the eyes on him Dougan said haughtily, "You must be mistaken. I'm Master Sanzo's apprentice. Clearly he would be looking for me, not you."

Goku looked confused. Not exactly a hard thing to do. He thought about it for a long time. "Mmm...maybe. Hey! Let's go ask him together!"

"T-Together?" Oh, no...

"Yeah! I wanna see Sanzo anyway! And we can find out who he was askin' for at the same time!"

Dougan swallowed heavily, but nodded. "Fine. That's just fine. But you're wasting your time, Goku. Master Sanzo definately called for me."

"Why, is it laundry day or somethin'?"

He...He was going to beat that face in! Just who did he think he was? He had know IDEA how important he was to Master Sanzo! "Let's just get this done and over with! I'm far too busy being useful to Master Sanzo for this childish behavior!"

"Um...okay." Goku looked confused, but didn't say another word.

Dougan shoved his way forward, purposely avoiding contact with Goku. He didn't want a trace of whatever was on the imbecile to get on him! He led the way into the temple, head high and shoulders back. This was probably it! Master Sanzo was finally going to ask him along on a quest! it was probably something dangerous and exciting, where he would be needed to protect Master Sanzo's life. And Master Sanzo, being so thankful would...Dougan couldn't help the blush or the smile when he thought of how he would be rewarded. And it would happen, too. At long last, he would finally get what he wanted!

They went straight to Master Sanzo's office. It was a little after lunch. He always did paperwork after lunch for an hour or so...unless he had none to do. But he almost always did. Dougan was about to knock on the door when Goku pushed passed him and just opened it, running in. "Hey..." It was too late though.

"SANZO! SANZOSANZOSANZO!"

Master Sanzo was behind his desk, doing paperwork just as Dougan knew he would be. "What do you want?" he asked, glancing up at the brat.

Dougan waited patiently by the door. He knew Master Sanzo hated people barging in. He would remain where he was and be patient...

"Were you lookin' for me or Dougan? Cuz someone said you were lookin' for me and then I asked-,"

"Can it. You're annoying me to the point where I might have to kill you."

Goku put his head on the desk. Right on some papers. Dougan's eyes went wide. But...he was so DIRTY! Did he have no respect for Master Sanzo? Well, clearly compared to his level of devotion and admiration for the man, anything Goku was feeling was insignificant. "So, whaddya want?"

"Not you," Master Sanzo said, lips twisted into a digusted sneer. He pulled the top paper from the pile, pinching it between two fingers like it was a snake. "I asked for Dougan. Now get out."

"Okay! BYEEE!" Goku ran out the door, waving.

Dougan still stood rooted to the spot. He...he had been summoned! This was it, this was it! he could hardly breath as he stood and waited, shifting from one foot to the other anxiously. He knew Master Sanzo wouldn't send for that brat! He knew it, and he was right.

Master Sanzo stood up and came from around his desk, taking off his reading glasses. "Well, are you going to come in or just prop the door open?" he asked.

Dougan shut the door after himself and walked in, shaking all over. He had to keep remembering to breath the entire time.

"Dougan I have an important task for you."

"Anything, Master Sanzo. Just name it!"

Was...was that a flicker of a smile? He had just made Master Sanzo...smile? Tears pricked his eye. This HAD to be the best day ever!

Master Sanzo held out a gold card. Dougan frowned. What...this was just the banking card for the temple. Why would he...?

"I'm out of cigarettes. Get a box so it lasts longer." Master Sanzo went around behind his desk again to continue working.

Dougan stared at the little bit of plastic and felt his heart just shatter into his sandals. An errand? He, Dougan, Master Sanzo's valuable apprentice, was being sent on a stupid errand? He wanted to cry. He wanted to run and hide forever. He wanted...

He wanted to kill Son Goku for getting between them.

Master Sanzo looked up, frowning. "What's wrong?"

Shaking his head a little to clear it of the painful ways Son Goku could die, he said, "Oh, I was just thinking, Master Sanzo..."

He arched a golden brow threateningly. Oh, right, finish the sentence!

"Well, maybe this task would be better for someone else...say Son Goku? I mean, while it IS a great honor and all-,"

"Spare me the details. I need cigarettes. You know what I smoke and that a box doesn't mean just one pack, it means a box of twenty-four. Goku would fuck it up and end up buying food. If you don't feel it 'worthy' of you, I can always find someone more accomodating-,"

"NO! No, I'll do it, Master Sanzo! I was just thinking that maybe my time would be better served doing other things." Like helping him...in any way he desired.

Master Sanzo just watched him from under thick lashes. "Right now, I don't need anything else from you. Do you remember what brand?"

Dougan looked at his feet and nodded. Yes, he did. He remembered everything Master Sanzo said. "I'll be back soon, Master Sanzo."

Master Sanzo never said anything to that. Dougan shut the door behind him and leaned against it, letting his breath out in a long sigh. Well, there WAS an upside to this! Master Sanzo had pretty much admitted that Goku was completely useless! And even if it wasn't a holy mission like he'd thought, this was still a very important task for Master Sanzo, one trusted only to him. Yes...that was it!

He was just leaving the temple compound when he heard a hiss from the shrubs by the gate. Nushi and Kansan, two of his peers, were waiting there with big excited eyes. "So?" Nushi whispered.

Oh...they thought it was a REAL mission! Oh, no...Dougan smiled. "Master Sanzo said he could only trust me with this mission. I have to hurry, though. He wants me back by tonight."

Nushi and Kansan exchanged looks of complete shock. "Whoa..."

He nodded, rocking back on his heels a bit. "It's a top secret assignment, though. I can't get into the details of it."

"That...that's so COOL!"

Dougan left them whispering in the hedge and hurried down into the nearby village on his "secret mission".

When Dougan came back later, the entire temple was in an uproar. People were gathered in the courtyard and the hallways, all talking excitedly. Nushi and Kansan beckoned him over, eyes now ready to pop from their heads. "What happened? What's going on?"

"The sanbutsushin summoned Master Sanzo," Kansan whispered. "They just finished and he went to his quarters with Son Goku."

The sanbutsushin? That could only mean one thing..."Master Sanzo is going to need me!" He pushed through the crowds of people and went straight for Master Sanzo's room. He paused outside the door, trying to control his emotions. Son Goku...no, he wouldn't take him. Would he? He couldn't even rely on the pest to buy cigarettes! He knocked sharply and waited.

"Who is it?"

"It's...It's Dougan, Master Sanzo. I've come to help you." In whatever way, shape or form.

"Come in."

Dougan stepped inside, coming to a hault when he saw that, indeed, Master Sanzo was packing a travel bag. Swallowing heavily, he said, "I have your cigarettes, Master Sanzo."

Master Sanzo held a hand out for them, not even looking back. Dougan shut the door and went over, putting the box in his hand. "Good timing, kid. We're about to leave."

"We". He'd said, "We're about to leave"! He smiled happily and all but bounced up and down. "I'll be quick to pack, Master Sanzo!"

He looked up at that, stopping halfway from lighting a cigarette. "Come again?"

Dougan felt his smile slip a little. "But...but you said 'we'. I only assumed that..."

The door flew open and Goku came charging in, bag over his shoulder. "YEAH! ROAD TRIP! ROAD TRIP!"

No...no, it couldn't be true! Master Sanzo...he was...ABANDONING HIM! Not again, not again!

Master Sanzo scowled at the boy jumping around like an idiot. He tossed his bag to Goku and said, "Go down to the gate and wait for me. It's a long walk."

Goku threw both bags down and pouted. "I HATE walking! Why do we have to walk?"

Dougan winced when Master Sanzo smacked Goku on the back of the head. "You don't know how to ride a horse and there aren't any trains going in to the place we're going, that's why! Now shut up and start moving, or I WILL be leaving you behind!"

"Okay, okay! That really hurt, you know!"

"I know. It was supposed to."

Goku grabbed their bags and left grumbling.

Dougan stared after him and felt...despair. Hopelessness. Hatred that was starting to turn toward Master Sanzo...no, he didn't hate Master Sanzo. "Master Sanzo, are you sure I can't be of any use to you on this mission?" he asked softly.

"Very sure. We'll be back in two weeks, tops. That stock of red wine in the cellar is running low. Other than that, do whatever you want." He watched as Master Sanzo waited at the door for him to leave so he could lock it up.

Forcing a smile, Dougan said, "I can lock up, Master! Besides, I haven't cleaned in here yet."

"Hmph. Fine." The door shut behind him, leaving Dougan all alone in his room.

Dougan waited until he heard the outer gates shut and then dissolved into tears. Where was he incapable? What was he doing wrong? He had the highest academic marks out of all the students. He was working on advanced talismans with the promise of learning the art of the shikagami. He knew three different styles of martial arts. And he was loyal, so loyal! So what was it about Son Goku that Master Sanzo found so much more appealing? True, the boy was strong, but he was loud, annoying, dirty and at best unreliable.

This...this was unacceptable! All he had to do was wait, though. Son Goku would do all the damage himself. While he never wished harm on Master Sanzo, he did truly hope this mission failed because of Goku. Master Sanzo would realize that Son Goku was nothing more than a common street urchin, fit for menial tasks. Smiling in anticipation for their not-so-triumphant return, Dougan left the room, locking it up.

Dougan flopped back on the bed, inhaling deeply of the pillows. They still smelled like him, he thought happily. Master Sanzo...He would be back any time now. Word of his arrival two towns over had already spread to the temple. He would be back this afternoon for sure! Which gave Dougan only a little more time to himself in Master Sanzo's room. He had spent all his free time in here, every last second of it, just soaking in the atmosphere of the room. He'd lit the candles and unrolled the meditation mat. He'd even gone through Master Sanzo's clothing (to check for tears, he reminded himself)...and found some old robes he no longer wore. One of them was on Dougan now as he hugged a pillow. Master Sanzo...

In the two weeks he'd been gone, Dougan had felt alone, empty. He had nothing to stare at, no one to talk to. And even when he slept, all he could think about was Master Sanzo...in the black leather...or even better, that time he'd walked into the wide training area and saw him sparring...granted, it was with Goku, but he could just imagine...

He sat up quickly when he heard the shout. His eyes flew to the window. Here already? But...but they weren't supposed to be here until...Oh, wait it WAS the afternoon. He'd spent all day in Master Sanzo's room and not realized it! He quickly took the old robe off and very carefully put it back exactly as he'd found it, blowing out the candles and opening the window to let the smoke out. he smoothed any wrinkles from the bed and double checked everything. Yes...it was exactly as it was before. Master Sanzo would never know!

Dougan quickly left the room, locking it behind him and ran down the halls to the courtyard. Master Sanzo was just coming up to the temple. He froze, the loathing filling him. Son Goku! HE was still here! So, that meant the mission...

There was a man walking behind Master Sanzo. His right eyes was bandaged up and there was the saddest smile on his face. Was this...Dougan had heard the rumors about why Master Sanzo was sent away. THIS man, the one who looked so sad, was the murderer Cho Gonou? He didn't LOOK like a murderer...but maybe that wasn't a sad smile. Maybe he was happy he'd killed so many people.

Dougan ran up to Master Sanzo, who glanced his way. He'd forgotten almost how incredible those eyes were up close! "Master Sanzo, you're back! I'll get a bath around for you right away!"

"Don't bother," Master Sanzo said. Two monks were waiting at the top of the stairs. They were the guards who served the sanbutsushin. One took Cho Gonou's arm and held him while the other clapped chains to his wrists.

"What's all this?" Master Sanzo sounded a little angry.

"Our orders were to secure the murderer," one of the guards said.

"That's not necessary."

Cho Gonou smiled kindly. Kindly? He was a MURDERER! Murderers did NOT smile kindly! "It's alright, really. I don't mind."

Master Sanzo didn't respond to that. He turned to look back...at Goku. "Goku, get my bag to my room."

"But you always lock it," Goku complained.

Dougan smiled. Yes, he always did. And only one other person had the key...

"Get the key from Dougan then."

Dougan's heart stopped. Literally. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough. Goku came up, smiling, and held his hand out. Cheeks burning, feeling all the eyes in the compound on him, he slowly reached into his pocket and handed over the key to Goku.

"Thanks! Bye now!" Goku went running up the stairs, shoving passed Master Sanzo rudely.

Dougan only stood rooted to the spot as he watched Master Sanzo, the prisoner and the guards all go inside. What...what had just happened? WHY had he given that key to Goku? He could have just taken the bags himself. Clearly, waiting for Goku to mess up wasn't working. It was time he and Master Sanzo had a talk. Master Sanzo needed to understand how important Dougan was for him. It was obvious now that when it came to knowing a person's worth and ability, Master Sanzo wasn't so great.

No, wait, what was he saying? Master Sanzo was the greatest monk ever! They were close, brothers almost. He...He

He loved Master Sanzo. More than anything. And he knew that if Master Sanzo had any idea how Dougan felt, he would reciprocate. Yes, Master Sanzo DID love him! He knew he did!. Master Sanzo just didn't want to admit it. He would see love as a weakness and thus ignore it when he felt it.

Dougan knew now what he needed to do. Yes, he would simply ask to go on the next mission. And if it was just him and Master Sanzo...Obviously, something would happen then. He smiled and then chuckled as all those little daydreams and visions circled through his head. He would just wait until Master Sanzo was done with the business at hand and then ask him.

* * *

The sun setting behind Master Sanzo made it look like he was surrounded in a red-gold halo of light. The image was one that would be burned into Dougan's mind forever, how his hair seemed to catch the golden light and make it shine brighter. The deep crimson staining his pale skin. How the creeping indigo darkness on the horizon was almost as intense as his eyes. He had to swallow a couple times before he found his voice, overwhelmed by the natural beauty of the man before him. "Master Sanzo?" he asked softly, daring to come closer and lay hesitant fingertips to the edge of the desk.

"What?" he asked, sitting back and taking off his reading glasses. He looked so tired. Maybe no wasn't the right time...No, it was the perfect time! He had to ask now.

"Well, I was wondering if I might accompany you on your next assignment," he said softly, glancing up to see if any emotion showed. None, not one sign he felt anything. Nothing passed through that gorgeous mask. His eyes dropped to those narrow lips and he found himself wondering if they were soft or more firm.

"Not a chance." The mouth moved, the words came out in his voice. But...but he wasn't supposed to say that! Those lips weren't supposed to form those words!

Dougan looked him in the eye, too shocked to realize how rude he was being by staring a superior eye-to-eye. "But, you take Son Goku with you!"

"Goku can take care of himself. I don't have to worry about him constantly."

Worry...about him? Did that mean Master Sanzo thought he wasn't capable of taking care of himself? But...all that training...how could he...why would he do that? Why would he SAY that! Dougan licked his lips and tried to keep the angry tears back. "Master Sanzo, I really think I could be of-,"

Master Sanzo stood up. "I gave you my answer. It's a no. There's no way you're going with me. End of discussion. Now, if there isn't anything else, I'm busy."

That was it. It was over. He knew that resolved look very well from watching Master Sanzo deal with Goku. It meant there was no arguing around it. Dougan let his head drop so Master Sanzo wouldn't see the beginning of his tears. "Of course, Master," he whispered, forcing his legs to move and take him from the room.

Once outside the office, Dougan wiped his eyes angrily, pushing his glasses back. Ryokan was right. He HAD been replaced, a long time ago! He just hadn't wanted to see it. How could he have been so blind? How could Master Sanzo be so blind? Didn't he SEE what Dougan could do for him? No, he couldn't. He was too obsessed with Goku! Well, he could change that.

He pushed himself away from the wall and ran out the back kitchen entrance, startling the servants from their tasks. He found the spot that was easy to climb and made it over the wall, dropping on the other side into the forest. If he was lacking in some way, he had to go elsewhere to learn and prove himself worthy. Clearly he had learned all there was from this place! He would go away and become stronger and when he came back, Master Sanzo would be BEGGING him to come along! If it killed him, he would MAKE Master Sanzo see him! They belonged together, for always. And Dougan was determined that Master Sanzo realize this.


	3. Vengeful

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This one is a little more graphic with what happens. It's very violent, but that's to be expected in this stage of stalking. Normally, I would up the rating a bit...but since the other stories aren't as gritty as this one, I thought a disclaimer at the top would fix this (unless you ignore the AN's, in which case you're on your own). Two to one, majority wins! So, if you don't like lots of gore and details (with some torture thrown into the mix)...skip it. You know how it ends. That's all!

The Three Different Types Of Stalking:

1) Intimate Partner Can be a sexually intimate partner or someone who feels they are very close to a person. Must have some kind of knowledge to their victims habits. May become delusional if replaced or made to feel insignificant.

2) Delusional Thinks that things are more than they seem with their victim. Has a tendency to make up fantasies/lie out right concerning their victim and how close they really are.

3) Vengeful Feels as thought victim is purposely ignoring them. Most dangerous and unstable. Prone to violence toward their victim.

* * *

**VENGEFUL**

Dougan let out a deep sigh. Finally, he had returned! He had been away for three years. Away bettering himself so that Master Sanzo would notice him. Three long years of studying at various temples under many different masters. Three years without him. Without hearing his voice, watching the sun reflect back off his golden hair. The glitter of violet eyes. Yes, he thought about Master Sanzo everyday. It was a torment and a blessing all together. And wouldn't he be so proud? Dougan, his apprentice, was now a master of talismans, shikigamis, five styles of martial arts with weapons training AND he was now a full fledged monk! He was perfect for any mission now. There was no way Master Sanzo could deny him.

He kept his head high as the whispers spread and grew louder. He fought not to smile smugly at all the awed stares. Yes, three years had changed him quite a bit. The three elders of the temple stood at the top of the stairs, gaping at him. They were here to greet him, but where was Master Sanzo? He smiled and bowed politely to them.

"Dougan...is that you?" one asked.

"Yes. I've returned at long last. Is Master Sanzo around?" Master Sanzo...he was finally going to see him again! Finally prove to him that he didn't need Son Goku or that murderer or that half-breed. This was it, he knew he was ready...

"But, Master Sanzo has left. Not even two months ago. He's journeying west to stop Gyumaoh's ressurection."

His heart stopped. It wasn't just a little skip, either. It full out stopped for almost ten seconds. "No...he...he left?"

"I'm sorry, Dougan. Perhaps next time you might journey with him."

Next time, next time! It was ALWAYS next time! Now was his time, not next time! He backed away, too dumbfounded to say anything. He tripped over his own feet as he turned and ran, tears blinding him. Master Sanzo...why? WHY! Why did he leave him behind again? What did he have to do to prove he was worthy? Three years...three long years...all wasted!

He would find him. He would track Master Sanzo down. He would track them all down. And when he did, he would kill the others. Kill them to prove he was better than all of them, stronger than all of them. Master Sanzo couldn't deny him then, not with all his companions dead! Master Sanzo...

If he said no this time, Master Sanzo would die with them. There was no way around that now, he knew it. Master Sanzo wasn't seeing him, wasn't realizing what they had together was so precious. Dougan loved him, loved himmore than anyone! If he couldn't have Master Sanzo to himself, then no one could! NO ONE!

First, he would go west, follow them. He would find them in the open, alone and without aid. And he would use talismans to kill them-

No, better yet he would separate them all and slowly strangle-

No, poison...poison was the trick-

Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it! He had to think about this. It had to be planned out, down to the last detail. Master Sanzo wasn't dumb. He would sense a trap a mile away. This had to be more cunning, more planned. He couldn't just rush in like this. No, rushing in would only end in them getting away, taking Master Sanzo with them. Or them killing him. He had to strategize, be rational. But first he had to find them. He would travel day and night just to find them.

"Master Sanzo, I'm coming," he whispered, speeding up from a jog into a full out sprint.

* * *

Looking up, Dougan squinted into the forest. This was it? The great youkai lord Hyumaoh lived...in this? Well, it was befitting of a youkai. Especially one that consorted with human women. No matter. Master Sanzo would have to pass close by on his journey west. The location, however secluded and unimpressive, was ideal for just that reason. And now to put his plan in motion. Smiling to himself, Dougan walked into the forest, keeping his enmity at bay. If Hyumaoh sensed any trace of hostility, he would cast an illusion and all would be lost. He had to do this right if he wanted to see Master Sanzo at all. Yes, think of Master Sanzo. Master Sanzo always made him so happy...

Dougan stopped when he felt the presence behind him. Youkai. Four of them, fanning to either side. His smile widened and he held his arms up over his head to show he was not dangerous. "Please, I am only a traveler seeking a room for the night. Would the lord of this magnificent palace be among you?" He turned around slowly, keeping the pleasant smile fixed. See, look, no threat at all!

One of the youkai, a young man with long dark hair, stepped forward. "I'm the lord's son. Koitaiyu is my name. Who are you?"

"Dougan. I've heard many great things about your father, Hyumaoh. Any son of his is sure to be as great." Yes, flattery will get one everywhere in life.

Koitaiyu shifted a little, hiding a pleased smile by looking at the ground. "He seems alright, for a human. Let's take him to my father. You've come on a very important night, traveler Dougan. It's my half-sister's birthday tonight. We'll be having a large feast for her."

"How delightful! I can hardly wait." Dougan followed the young demon over the narrow bridge and into the palace. This was one birthday they would all remember.

Waking later that night, Dougan rose from his guest bed as quietly as any assassin, sword sheathed for the present. _For you, Master Sanzo, I sacrifice my humanity. I will become that which you despise to show I can be as cold and calculating as Cho Hakkai. I will become an outcast of society who lives by my own rule like Sha Gojyo. And because of these acts, which I do for you, I will show you that I am far more loyal than Son Goku. For you, Master Sanzo...for you._ The first room he came to was the nursery. Several youkai females had given birth not long ago, so the nursery was full of demon spawn. Twelve of them to be exact. He was surprised at how easy it was to kill them. Just a quick cut to the throat of the nurse to silence her, stepping over her body and through the blood to the first craddle. Not much at all to this killing. No wonder Cho Hakkai had done it so easily. _See, Master Sanzo? There's nothing special at all about your servants. Nothing that I can't do!_

He was a little disappointed in the start to his evening. Thirteen down, nine hundred and eighty-seven to go. Let's see...He smiled when he saw the big double doors. Yes, best get rid of the lord and his legal wife. The human mistress he would do for fun. He twisted the knob slowly, slipping through the narrow crack. He left it open so light could filter through onto the bed where all three of them slept. Disgusting, really. He was doing the world a service by disposing of such filth!

Hyumaoh's eyes flew wide as his belly contents were opened and sloshed onto the ground. "What...YOU!" The lord's shout woke both women, who screamed shrilly before they died, the blood arching into the air, coating the walls. _Master Sanzo, won't you be so proud!_ He stared at the slippery blood on his hand, smiling. He wiped it off on his tunic and left the room. Outside, the guard was waiting, headed by Koitaiyu. Excellent! "Well, well. Come along, now. We don't want to keep your father waiting in hell alone very long."

Koitaiyu's eyes widened and he led the charge. A thrust, two quick slashes and the son was dead, blood squirting Dougan in the face. He could feel the joy welling in him as one after another, the guards fell to his sword. Thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five.

The death scream of the guards brought out still more, the one from the day watch who were sleeping at the time. And the women. Oh, how they screamed when they looked out their rooms and saw all the dead, bodies falling on bodies, blood so thick you couldn't see you foot prints any longer. Just keep coming...one-hundred and ninety-four, one hundred and ninety-five...He was laughing and counting out loud and couldn't stop. He knew now why Cho Hakkai killed them all. Such fun, all the different screams and shouts sounding like a poorly conducted choir. Rising and falling in time with each slash, each hacking drive.

Now, to hunt down the women and children. _If only you could see, Master Sanzo. If only you were here to witness my glorious sacrifice for you. I truly have given you everything I am...if this isn't love, then what is? What is?_ He grabbed the little girl trying to run by her braid, dragging her back and hugging her as he cut her throat, eyes closed and lost almost in the zen like moment of feeling her heart speed up in fright and the slow down as the blood left her, completely soaking his leather tunic to his chest. His skin...it was beginning to feel warm. Like after drinking a little too much sake. It was...wonderful. Almost as wonderful as his reward, waiting for him in his room. It wasn't the real Master Sanzo, only a shikigami, but he knew it was perfect, just about as perfect as the real one. Soon enough, soon enough. Just another twelve to go and then he could reward himself. _Just as Master Sanzo will reward me when he realizes how wrong he was._ He was getting hard just thinking about it. Focus, focus! He wasn't done killing them yet.

Dougan stopped, looking around the large courtyard and frowning. He had counted exactly...one-thousand and one youkai lived here. The burning on his skin was almost unbearable, but he could manage it. Pain was nothing when compared to his love for Master Sanzo. His eyes flickered over the bodies, searching for movement...There! In the corner! Smiling, he stalked over to the cowering half-breed, whimpering and trying to make herself as small as possible. Her eyes were wide, blood colored, and very, very frightened.

"Why, it seems you get to be lucky one-thousand," he said pleasantly. She had no idea how very important her death was to him. This was the final one, the last piece to the puzzle as it were. With her blood on him, Master Sanzo was bound to accept him. If he was ignored this time...The thought of having Master Sanzo's blood trickle through his fingers was almost too heady to imagine. "Hyumaoh's half-breed child. I've heard about you. Well, no matter, your death should be enough, though it seems a shame to dirty my blade with you." She lowered her head with a hopeless little wail as his sword raised over his head, ready to split her head wide open, see if her crimson hair really did match her blood.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER!"

Dougan turned at the shout. Oh, how wonderful! One of the guards was still alive. "It seems I missed a little one. How very lucky for you, indeed." It was over too quickly, The youkai seemed to run straight onto his sword.

"There. One-thousand." The burning intensified, making him hiss in pain. Don't scream, don't scream...too late, he was screaming and it hurt so bad, but so good...so very good! _Master Sanzo, it's done. I'm perfect for you. I'm exactly what you want._ No, not perfect. His hair...it was still dark. He straightened his shoulders, the pain subsiding in gradual waves. How to...his eyes flickered over the girl curled up on the floor, shivering as she stared at him in horror. "You are Hyumaoh's daughter, and therefore can weave illusions. That might come in handy. But how to make you obediant?" He pretended to think, all the while fingering the small pouch at his side, the one that held leaves and leaves of orange paper. "I know! Come along, darling!"

"No! NO, PLEASE, DON'T!" She screamed and pulled at his wrist as he grabbed her hair, dragging her across the ground to a spot that was blood free. He wanted to cover the entire courtyard in blood. "Please, just let me go! I-I swear I won't tell-"

"I swear I won't tell," he mocked, enjoying her struggles very much. "The word of a mongrel! No, I have a far better idea. Now, stay very still. I'd hate to slip and have you die anyway." He sat across her hips, using his knees to pin her hands to her sides so she couldn't fight back. Smiling down at the sheer panic in her eyes, he pulled a long curved knife from behind his back. She screamed and kept screaming, long before he cut a neat hole in her stomach, big enough for his hand to fit in. He pulled a piece of paper out, quickly writing the spell in her blood with his finger and then folding it deftly into a paper airplane. "There's one way we can keep you from telling. And that's to make you a shikigami. I've never done it with a living person before. I wonder if it'll work? If it doesn't, no matter. But I truly hope it does. Master Sanzo will be very impressed when he arrives. And besides, I need you to keep the place clean while I prepare for him. Now, to place it...just...so." As he spoke, he shoved his hand with the airplane and half his arm up through the hole in her stomach and to her heart. She screamed, back arching sobbing to the point she could barely breath.

Dougan pulled his fist out when teh shikigami was firmly attached to her heart, sucking her soul away. He used his blood and gut covered hand to comb through his hair, gathering up more that had fallen onto the ground, staining his hair with it. The wound in her stomach healed and she was whole again, but still sobbing, curled up with her knees to her chest. "There we go! So much better this way, isn't it? Now, get up! I'm hungry."

The girl stood slowly, unable to disobey him. She made her way inside, shoulders hunched, hugging herself and unable to stop her wailing. No matter, it was a beautiful sound. The second most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Dougan looked around at his handiwork. his gaze swept over the bodies, down his blood-drenched clothes, at his clawed hands and his newly crimson hair. Yes, it was perfect. Just perfect. He was exactly what Master Sanzo wanted. Now, all he had to do was wait for Master Sanzo to come and say the words he should have said so long ago. How could he not? After all that Dougan had done, it would be wrong for Master Sanzo to ignore his request this time. No, this time, Dougan would not be left behind. Master Sanzo would admit that he was wrong and say it, say the three words Dougan most wanted to hear...

I love you.

* * *

END NOTE: This song verse right here is the soul inspiration for this whole story. Everytime I read it, I can kind of see Sanzo saying something like this to Dougan, if he knew what was going on in that sick puppy's head.

Like any uncharted territory  
I must seem greatly intriguing  
You speak of my love like  
You have experienced love like mine before  
But this is not allowed  
You're uninvited  
An unfortunate slight.

-Uninvited by Alanis Morissette. She owns the song, which is very beautiful. Even if you don't like Alanis, you have to admit it's a haunting song.

Thanks for making it through that last bit. Dare I say 'Hope you enjoyed it'? Anyway, I'm gonna go write something more cheerful now!


End file.
